Relationship Perspectives

How much effort do you put into relationships?

How well do you understand the other’s point of view?

How well can you communicate your view?

How well can you adapt to their perspective?

What happens if you cannot do so?

Every relationship is a forth and back,

of each party’s perspective and wishes.

Rarely will we be on the same page.

The space between the pages is where the magic lies.

In our ability to understand each other,

Understand and act on this accordingly.

Deeper Relationships

Whom do you spend too much time with?

Whom do you not spend enough time with?

Who is important to you?

How can you shift this ratio?

We are often so totally caught up in life.

Thus, we will neglect important relationships.

Be it friends, family or business.

We might be driven to make new connections.

Yet, deepening relationships is the way to win.

Quality will always beat quantity.

Because how many people can you remember?

And will the ones you have forgotten remember you?

Handling Situations

How do you approach situations?

How proactive are you?

Are you friendly or aggressive?

How do you decide your strategy?

Situations need different approaches.

People need to be handled differently.

And then we have different strengths.

Yet, we are rarely successful with the same approach.

Aggressive or friendly, proactive or passive.

Know when to use which and when to get help.

Authenticity

How authentic are you?

How much do you try to fit in?

How well do you actually fit in?

How does it feel to be yourself?

We tend to try to fit in.

We change behaviour to achieve that.

Yet, how successful are we with it?

We tend to be more successful being authentic.

Being yourself is where confidence is found.

Frenemies

Who are your Enemies?

Who are your Friends?

Who are your Frenemies?

How easily could you answer?

Most people we come across are neutral.

Then we may gather some enemies in life.

And usually we will make friends as well.

These categories are all clear.

The most dangerous are your frenemies.

Are they friend or foe, we just do not know.

Identify them and take a good look.

Otherwise, it will tear you apart from the inside out.

Trust one step at a time

Whom do you trust?

How much do you trust them?

How do you decide the trust level?

How do you know what to share?

Trust is like a Jar.

We start empty.

With each interaction, we can fill it up.

Each interaction is a marble.

For good ones, we add marbles to the jar.

For the bad ones, we take out marbles.

The fuller the jar gets, the more we can share.

Trust is given one step at a time — not all at once.

Credit to psychologist Brené Brown, who coined the marble jar for trust.

Ask For It

How often do you accept what you are offered?

How often do you make a counteroffer?

What makes you accept an offer outright?

When do you make a counteroffer?

Often, we tend ot accept what we are given.

We might deserve more.

We might need more.

We might not be treated fairly.

Sometimes the offer is fair and what we deserve.

Knowing when to accept, when to ask for more,

and when to walk away is paramount.

If you know, you build relationships.

If you don’t, you break them and lose much more.

Nonsensical Work

When is working nonsensical?

How often do you do pointless work?

How often do you have to do it?

How often could you do differently?

Work can be nonsensical for many reasons:

we might be too tired;

the task itself creates no value;

the task is not getting us closer to the goal;

someone else is better suited than we are.

Often, we won’t realise till it is too late.

Learning to identify nonsense creates time.

Time that is spent better elsewhere.

Play Your Own Game

Which game are you playing?

Who is making the rules?

Why are you playing the game?

Why not make your own rules?

Everything in life is a game.

We play the career game.

We play the survival game.

We play the love game.

and so on and on.

And we submit to the rules,

the rules made by others.

Many are unhappy and hate the rules.

So why not make your own?

Obligations and Responsibilities

Which obligations do you have?

What are your responsibilities?

Why do you have them?

Which of them did you choose willingly?

What effect do they have on you?

Every obligation and responsibility is a burden.

Responsibilities we can choose to have.

Obligations we cannot — they are put on us.

Some come as a consequence of decisions.

Some we are born into, some we gather.

Some we know about, some we don’t.

Once we carry too many, it is time to shed them.

Make the decision right

How much do you fret over your decisions?

How often do you regret past decisions?

How much can you affect their trajectory?

How well did you anticipate the consequences?

Sometimes you make the right decision,

sometimes you make the decision right. — Phil McGraw

Most decisions we have to make right for us.

From where and when we make the decision,

we cannot know what the right one is.

Stop fretting over decisions in front of you.

Stop regretting past decisions.

What can you do right now to make it right?

Closed Chapters

How often do you close a chapter in life?

How many chapters are open,

yet you wish they were concluded?

How do you feel once you close a chapter?

Which chapters do you fish to re-open?

We have different phases in life.

We change where we live and work.

We change who we love and hate.

Each change can close a chapter.

Some chapters we want to close,

yet they linger on and on.

And others we would love to re-open,

yet it is permanently closed.

Chores and Structure

How do you handle chores?

How structured is your approach?

How much chaos can you stomach?

What is your point of no return?

We all have chores in our lives.

They are essential parts of a structured life.

Some days we manage more than on others.

We all have a different threshold of chaos.

We all have a point of no return,

no return to order and comfort.

Do not pass that point;

there is a path back,

yet it is painful.

Individual Risk

How often do you take a risk?

How do you define what is risky?

How often do your risks pay off?

How dire are the consequences?

Risk is individual:

What is risky for you is safe for another.

What is safe for you is risky for another.

Find your low-risk zones and double down.

Individual asymmetrical opportunity is the goal.

If you find one, seize it by the neck.

Saying Goodbye

How do you say goodbye?

When do you say goodbye?

For what reasons do you say goodbye?

How do you know if it is final?

Saying goodbye is part of life.

Some goodbyes are permanent.

Others are only for a time.

Some we take more seriously than others.

Some goodbyes are half-hearted.

Some are done with full intensity.

Missing a permanent goodbye is painful.

Make every goodbye like it were final.

Action - Point

What does it need for you to act?

How long can you watch a situation?

When do you feel responsible?

Why do you act when you do?

Some situations, we can watch forever.

Other situations, we cannot watch for long.

We may push our responsibilities along.

Or we may act immediately, even though

we have no responsibility to do so.

What are you pushing along?

Where do you act, yet you do not need to?

Wrong Future

How well do you imagine future events?

When are you pessimistic and why?

When are you optimistic and why?

How often are you totally wrong?

We often imagine how a future event will go.

Most of the time, we are wrong.

It may come worse than our worst case.

It may come better than our best case.

Predicting the future is a fool's errand,

yet we all try to do this constantly.

Focus Trouble

What happens when you focus intensely?

How often do you forget everything else?

How often does this get you into trouble?

How often is intense focus worth the trouble?

When we focus intensely, we forget everything else.

Even important things may fall victim.

If they do, we will be in trouble.

Yet, often the trouble is worth the results.

Yet, sometimes the results are not worth the trouble.

Learn to know when the results are worth it.

Communicate it all

How do you communicate?

How much can you tell with your words?

How much can you tell with the words left out?

How much can you tell with your actions?

“The things said and the things not said. In the space in between, a thousand worlds. A thousand worlds.” - The Malazan Book of the Fallen 10

Communication is much more than what we say:

It is what we do not say,

It is what we do and don’t do,

It is how we move and stay still,

It is the look in our eyes,

It is our expressions,

And the spaces in between all that.

Performance Volatility

How volatile is your performance?

When do you perform badly?

When do you perform well?

When and why do your skills deteriorate?

Everyone’s performance is volatile.

For some more and for some less.

There are days when we do badly at our strengths.

There are days when we do well at our weaknesses.

When we are exhausted, we won’t perform well.

When we are well-rested, we will excel.

Adjust your expectations of yourself accordingly.